i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I am one with the molecules
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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