I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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