Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
