Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize