I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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