just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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