Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
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You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
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Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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