he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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