Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
