sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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