Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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