filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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