I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
