Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
