I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
