This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
