So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
