He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
