Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
