Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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