Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
