No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
