I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
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i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
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Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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