4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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