I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
