ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
