When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
