hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?