he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.