yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
