She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Buhtt sex?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
