But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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