My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
