What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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