ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
