well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
