awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
