so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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