Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
