I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
