My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
