How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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