Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
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Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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