clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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