you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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