I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
