So drunk, too bad you don't want this
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
