Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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