That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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