i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
