one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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