my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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