Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
