I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
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I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
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If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Pants are for mortals
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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