So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
