hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
