Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
