my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
