I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
