Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
