i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
