i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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