go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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