One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
